Dream House
by Indigo Aethyr
Summary: The Nordics can't find a house big enough for all of them...but what happens when Denmark finally does? And what happens when it's nothing like they expected? A series of loosely connected oneshots. T for language and dirty jokes. SuFin, DenNor, and Iceland x Fridge.
1. House Hunting

**A/N: I got this idea from a friend, and I'm using it as a filler between my last story and the massive update I'm working on. Hope you like it!**

_Chapter 1: House Hunting_

Norway sighed. All of the Nordics had been looking for a house big enough to fit all of them, plus their kids, dogs, drunk friends, etc. However, despite many weeks of searching, nothing turned up.

"Listen up, everyone!" Denmark yelled, "I found the perfect house!"

"Actually, 't was me," Sweden remarked.

"I was so confident that everyone would like it that I went ahead and bought it!" Both Norway and Sweden shot out of their chairs.

"You did _what_?!"

* * *

Finland walked into the small apartment he shared with his husband.

"Sve, I'm worried. What's the house like?" The taller man looked up from the small stove he was cooking on and hugged Finland.

"I suggested 't as a joke. You'll see tomorrow. Can y' set th' table?" Sweden replied, pouring the soup he made into bowls.

"Of cou-is that lohikeitto? Thank you, Sve!" Sweden hated making it, but if there was a day for making Finland something special, it was today. He poured drinks-beer for him, vodka for Finland- and they ate.

"Do y' like 't?" He asked, noticing that his "wife" had barely touched his food.

"It's good. I'm just worried about the house. It's nothing too weird, right?" Sweden couldn't stop himself from chuckling.

"It's weird, but it's big. We'll have plenty of room for a kid, and that dog you wanted."

"Really?"

He noticed, with a smile, that Finland was eating now.

* * *

"Okay, come on!" All the Nordics (except Denmark) stood in a parking lot, trying to figure out just what was going on.

"Are we buying new furniture?" Finland asked. Iceland shrugged. A certain Dane got out of the car and laughed.

"No, silly!" Denmark answered, "We're going to our new house!"

"So the house is behind the IKEA?" Norway inquired.

"No. It is the IKEA!"

**A/N: Lohikeitto is the Finnish name for a type of salmon soup popular in the Nordic countries. **

**Sorry for the length (or lack thereof), the chapters will get longer. This is an introduction.**


	2. The Fridge(s)

**A/N: Apparently IKEA has a system for naming its furniture. Looking on Wikipedia pays off in useless knowledge sometimes.**

_Chapter 2: The Fridge(s)_

"Iceland!" Norway called, "Will you just come out of the closet?" A teenager with silvery hair literally stepped out from the closet.

"What do you want?" Iceland asked, glaring at him.

"What were you doing with the fridge?" the younger country boiled with rage at hearing his brother call it "the fridge," like it was just a big metal box.

"It's not just a fridge! It's the most beautiful appliance I've ever seen! It's an angel in disguise as a refrigerator!"

"So...you're in love with it?"

"Yes."

* * *

Norway shuddered. He had tried to push _that _incident out of his mind, but he couldn't. He just hoped that Iceland wouldn't find the fridge section, or that he had grown out of his love for inanimate objects.

"What's wrong, Norge?" Denmark asked.

"I'm worried about Iceland. Remember what I told you about, with the fridge? What if that happens again?"

"It's okay. You just have to let him live his own life, and if he wants to date a fridge, that's his business." Norway sighed.

"Denmark. It is a _fridge_."

"And I'm a man, but you love me. Is it all that different?"

"Not rea-I do not love you!" Norway stormed off, resolving to never ask Denmark about that kind of thing ever again. He had a different question on his mind, anyway.

"Is your name Reykjavik?" he heard someone ask from a different room, "Because you're my heart." Clearly, Iceland hadn't yet mastered the art of pick-up lines.

"Baby, don't be so cold to me!" Steeling his nerves, Norway entered the room.

Iceland, surrounded by all types of fridges, gasped as he noticed his brother watching him.

"It's not what it looks like!"

"Your pick-up lines need work. I'll leave you and your...harem here alone." He backed out of the room. Maybe living in a furniture store was a bad idea.

* * *

Norway wandered around the store in his pajamas, making his way back to the fridge section. Once there, he looked for signs of his brother's presence. Nothing.

"Iceland?" he called, "Are you there?" he looked around the room, noticing that one fridge had fallen over.

"Who dares disturb my slumber?" someone growled, the door of the fridge opening as Iceland climbed out. His hair was a mess, and he was wearing pajamas as well.

"You were sleeping...in a fridge?"

"More than that, Norway. I just got laid," Iceland's eyes had no "just kidding" glint in them, which scared Norway. Clearly, his brother was taking the fridge thing too far.

"I'm going to find Denmark. Have fun, I guess."


	3. Bed Testing

**A/N: This turned out much fluffier than I was planning. Also, I fixed some readability issues. Didn't realize this site hates WordPad this much.  
**

_Chapter 3: Bed Testing_

Denmark was walking around with a chart. That was never good.

"What are you doing?" Norway asked, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

"What do you think I'm doing! I'm in a store full of beds, so I'm going to find the best, most comfortable bed!" Denmark shoved his chart in Norway's face, "And I made a chart to help me!"

"Bounciness? Pillow fort buildability? What kind of factors are these?" He replied, looking at the chart.

"Important ones. Want to help me?"

"I don't exactly have anything to do right now, so I guess."

* * *

They walked around until they found a bed.

"Since you've never bed-tested before, I'll have to show you the ropes, okay?" Denmark said, climbing up onto the bed. He jumped a little, making it creak loudly, "Bounciness is good, but the springs are too loud," he reported.

"Next one, then?"

"Well, duh!"

Denmark didn't seem to like any of the beds. One didn't have enough pillows, another was too hard, and yet another just couldn't bounce correctly.

"Hey, I think there's a good one over there!"

"I can't even see a bed over there."

"I can feel it." Norway rolled his eyes, but he followed the excitable Dane. Both checked the room for a bed, and they found one. They just weren't expecting Sweden and Finland to have found it first.

"Sverige!" Denmark yelled, "What are you doing? I am shocked!"

"Nothing to see here," Norway muttered, dragging his friend away, "And, Denmark, I didn't think you were one to freak out about that kind of thing."

"Not usually. I was just trying to get revenge on Sweden for the time he put itching powder in my boxers."

"Let's go before Finland dies of embarrassment, shall we?"

* * *

"Oh. My. God."

"Why did you stop, Denmark?" Norway asked, "You're kind of blocking my way."

"I found the perfect bed!" he replied. Since Norway was smaller than Denmark, he couldn't see it. Instead, he just climbed onto Denmark's shoulders to see better.

"Giddyup, Denmark."

They entered a spacious room with a massive bed. There were plenty of pillows. As in, pillows _everywhere_.

"Looks perfect. We'd better test it!" He climbed up on the bed, and Norway followed suit. As they began bouncing, Denmark's bounces began shooting Norway into the air.

"Stop it!" he yelled.

"Scared?"

"A little." Denmark grabbed Norway's hand and they started bouncing at the same time.

"That better? Anyway, it looks like the bounciness is good. I can tell that this will make a great pillow fort. Now, we have to test the cuddle factor."

"Cuddle factor?"

"What? That's the most important part!" Denmark said. He lay down on the bed and let Norway crawl into his arms. They wrapped the blankets around themselves, slowly beginning to fall asleep.

"Do you think I could share this bed with you?" Norway asked, "It's very comfortable."

"As long as you're this affectionate every night."


	4. Lost

**A/N: I'm still going to be updating, just less frequently (if that's even possible). I'm still alive, I promise!**

Sweden got up early today. He carefully extricated himself from the sheets, trying not to wake Finland. His "wife" was an incredibly light sleeper, so it was easier said than done. Once done with that, he put on some clothes and went to look for something to eat.

Maybe it was a bad idea to look in the nearest fridge. Inside was a pizza box with "PROPERTY OF DENMARK" written in huge letters on it, vodka, more vodka, a fish head, a jar that smelled of rotting something, and, inexplicably, a pair of Icelandic flag boxers. Maybe breakfast was unnecessary. His appetite was ruined.

He made some coffee and left their...home? Furniture store? Both? Anyway, he needed to get where he was going fast. It would ruin the surprise if he was gone too long. Finally he saw the sign showing him that he was at his destination: the animal shelter.

"Hello!" a girl with frizzy brown hair and freckles greeted him. She was attempting to carry a massive stack of boxes, "Can I help you with anything?"

"'m lookin' for a pet, but I'll help y' carry those first," he said, taking half the boxes from her. They put them in a storage room and walked back to where they had been standing before.

"Thank you!" she said, "Anyway, you were looking for a pet, right?" Sweden nodded, "Are you allergic to cats or anything like that?"

"M'wife is. 'm lookin' for a dog." The girl nodded and led Sweden past a set of doors.

"I think I have the perfect one for you," she said, stopping in front of a large pen with a gigantic dog in it, "This is Rocky. Do you want him?"

"Maybe if I were buyin' for m' friend," he said. Denmark would love a big dog, but Finland...he'd find something for Finland.

"Okay, something smaller then?" Sweden nodded and she showed him a small white dog, "Maybe this one? I call her Flower-egg." _That's a terrible name_, Sweden thought, _but Finland might like it._

"She's perfect."

* * *

Finland woke up late, with Sweden gone. _He probably got up early, _he thought. He got breakfast and three cups of coffee (a bad idea, but he had to one-up Norway). Still no Sweden. After exchanging death glares with Norway, awkwardly talking to Denmark, and finding Iceland's underwear in the fridge, he realized that he had to find Sweden.

He wandered through the store slowly, keeping an eye out for Sweden. He was hard to miss, after all. Everything looked the same in his mind. It was all just furniture and then more furniture. It wasn't long until he realized that he was hopelessly lost.

He looked for something, anything, that showed him where he was. Maybe a pile of sheets on an otherwise perfectly made-up bed, showing that Denmark and Norway had been there. Perhaps a group of fridges to indicate Iceland's "territory." Nothing. Not even a stain to show that anyone had been here. He was on his own.

_It's like the Winter War, that time I got lost, _he thought, immediately trying to forget it. He wasn't going down that path again. Not after the time he nearly shot Sweden.

* * *

Sweden walked into the store carrying the dog (he placed a bow on her head and everything), just imaginging how everything would go. Finland would look over and see the dog. Then he would run to Sweden and kiss him. They'd laugh about the name, hands intertwined, while they watched Flower-egg chase her tail. They'd agree that this was the best surprise gift ever.

No Finland. He looked everywhere, even inside one of Iceland's favorite fridges. He asked everyone, but nobody had seen him.

"He probably got buried in Denmark's dirty laundry," Norway had said.

"If he touches Eydís he'll die," Iceland growled. Sweden assumed that was one one the fridges.

"Well, there is that joke about getting lost in an IKEA," Denmark said. Surprisingly, the only helpful answer came from Denmark. With that, Sweden ran off to go find Finland, still holding the dog.

He looked thoroughly, leaving no coffee table unturned. He still couldn't find Finland. He entered another room. It looked like all the others, except for the fallen table. Closer investigation showed that one of the legs had been torn off. _Hopefully he didn't start having flashbacks_, Sweden thought.

Then someone burst out of the closet.

Sweden turned around to see Finland with black war paint on his face and the table leg in his hand. He raised it, ready to strike before he realized who it was. Then he dropped it...right on his foot.

"Oh God...I could have killed you!" Finland cried. Tears streamed down his face from guilt, fear, and pain.

"But y' didn't. Anyway, I got y' a present," Sweden held the dog out to Finland, who hugged it tightly.

"What's its name?"

"Her name is Flower-egg. I'm sure it has some meaning."

"It would sound better in Finnish. How about Kukkamuna?"

"Perfect," Sweden leaned in to kiss Finland, but he suddenly pulled away, "We should probably wash the paint off your face." Finland nodded and took Sweden's hand, holding Kukkamuna in his free arm.


	5. Uncle Denmark

**Author's Note: Sorry for not finishing this earlier! It's kind of short too. Oh well.**

* * *

Denmark entered one of the many kitchens, only to find Norway and Iceland already there.  
"Take it back, please. Take it back," Norway muttered. He was sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth.  
"What's going on? Did one of your fairy friends tell everyone how gay you are?" Norway shook his head violently and spoke in a tiny, shaking voice.  
"There's this little goblin running around. It yells random things, messes up everything in sight, and it plays Mario Kart at two in the morning! It needs to go."  
"You're hallucinating agai-"  
"It's real," Iceland interrupted, "Sweden brought it in here." Denmark was about to reply with something like "so crazy runs in the family," but a tiny something hit him in the back. He turned around to see a mini-England in a sailor outfit. What came out instead was "I'm so sorry that I doubted you." With that, he went to go see Sweden.

* * *

Sweden was in his room. Surprisingly, he was alone.  
"Sve, what's with the kid?" Denmark asked as he strode in.  
"Fin wanted kids, 'nd I found one. His name 's Seal'nd. He's England's little broth'r."  
"You stole a kid?"  
"No. I...bought h'm online. Now, I know y're good with kids. can y' babysit 'im t'night? Fin 'nd I are goin' out." Denmark nodded enthusiastically, still processing the fact that Sweden bought a micronation off the Internet. He had no idea what he agreed to.  
"Great. I'll tell Fin."

"Wait...what?"

* * *

"Make sure he eats somethin' before he gets dessert," Sweden said as he put his tie on, "An' don't let 'im watch too much TV." Denmark just stared blankly.  
"Who are you talking about?"  
"Seal'nd. Y' agreed t' watch 'im t'night."  
"Right! I did!" Denmark answered, "I totally did!" Sweden left, coming back shortly after with Sealand following him.  
"Uncle Denmark's gonna b' watchin' y', okay? Be good, both of y'," Sweden said, giving Denmark his signature glare. As soon as he and Finland left, Sealand started talking so fast that an auctioneer wouldn't even understand him.  
"SowhatarewegonnadocanIinvitemyfriendsoverIknowlet'splayagameheydoyouthinkwecouldsquirtIcelandwithawaterguncomeonI'mbored." Fortunately, acting like a little kid was second nature to Denmark, and he knew exactly what to do.  
"I have an idea, Sealand! I've got two marshmallow guns under my bed, so we could play Zombie Hunter! We'll be the hunters, and Norway and Iceland can be the zombies, okay?"  
"Then what are we waiting for?" They both ran to Denmark's room and grabbed the marshmallow guns. This was going to be great.

* * *

Norway pulled the blanket over him and started reading his latest cheesy romance novel. He had his coffee, and the best couch possible. Iceland was probably off in Fridgeland, so he had the whole section to himself. Why couldn't he relax, then?  
It was quiet, he realized. A little too quiet. Some disaster (probably in the form of Denmark) was surely about to occur. He might have that kid on his side too. He tried forgetting about it and going back to reading, but he paused every few seconds to look around suspiciously. He just couldn't shake the feeling that there was something horribly wrong.  
He waited for a few minutes, but his impatience won out. Finally convinced that there was nothing wrong, he went back to reading.  
Of course, that's when the marshmallows started coming.  
Norway thrashed, trying to untangle himself from the blanket as Denmark and Sealand cheered.  
"That's right!" Denmark called, "Aim for the head!" Norway escaped, running through the halls until he couldn't hear their war cries. Once safe, he went to the fridge section.  
"Iceland," Norway called, "I'm giving you three seconds to put pants on."  
"My pants are on!"  
"Then I'm coming in!" Norway dashed into the room, looking around for any signs of Denmark or Sealand, "Can I hide in one of your fridges?"  
"Sure, last one on the right. You can open it from the inside. I sleep in it, so don't get weirded out by the pillows and blankets." Norway opened the fridge, only to find Denmark inside.  
"Sealand, the zombie's back! I need backup!" He was being pelted by marshmallows in more directions than seemed possible with only two people. Then he looked over and saw Iceland.  
"I hate all of you!"


End file.
